The House on Michaelmas Ave - a short story by Lee Hayton

Inspired by the marvelous house listing on Zillow. No, I definitely don't want to ask about the upstairs tenant.
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Welcome to my humble abode. Would you like to follow me inside for a look around? To your right, as you enter, please take note of the original streetlamp  that is included with the sale. You'll be needing that later when...Well, let's just say you'll be needing that later.

'Nightmare house' Zillow listing tells buyers don't ask about mysterious occupant upstairs

Original fittings in the bathroom, as you can see. You just can't source this type of quality nowadays. They introduced standards, or something. Funny story about that arch. My client sank his teeth into the...Hm. Actually, on seconds thoughts that story isn't so funny. Let's just move on, shall we?

Original fittings in the bathroom, as you can see. You just can't source this type of quality nowadays. They introduced standards, or something. Funny story about that arch. My client sank his teeth into the...Hm. Actually, on seconds thoughts that story isn't so funny. Let's just move on, shall we?

Again, these are all original features. This wood paneling is sturdy enough to have survived so far. I'm sure it will continue to do so long into the future. The stains? Well, yes. At some point, I'll need to explain about your upstairs neighbor. Let's just leave that for the moment, though. No, sir. I'm sure those aren't blood stains and if they are, I'm sure they're it's not virgin human blood. That would just be a crazy waste!

Again, these are all original features. This wood paneling is sturdy enough to have survived so far. I'm sure it will continue to do so long into the future. The stains? Well, yes. At some point, I'll need to explain about your upstairs neighbor. Let's just leave that for the moment, though. No, sir. I'm sure those aren't blood stains and if they are, I'm sure they're it's not virgin human blood. That would just be a crazy waste!

It says in my listing notes that this is the spare room for arms and legs but I really don't see any...   Oh! Furniture. Of course.  Lots of spare sofas arms and chair legs here, if you need them.

It says in my listing notes that this is the spare room for arms and legs but I really don't see any. Lots of spare sofas arms and chair legs here, if you need them.

Mm. I'd heard some folks say that they've seen the face of God in a Dorito but I don't see how you could possible see a demon staring up at you from the shower floor. Are you alright, sir? Would you like to step inside the cubicle so I can pour some cold water on you? Yes, that's right. Just like that. Good boy. Step inside.

Mm. I'd heard some folks say that they've seen the face of God in a Dorito but I don't see how you could possible see a demon staring up at you from the shower floor. Are you alright, sir? Would you like to step inside the cubicle so I can pour some cold water on you? Yes, that's right. Just like that. Good boy. Step inside.

Evidence of more upgrades to the premises. Pull that cord and see how quickly the fan responds.  Go on, pull it. I said, go on. Pull. It.

Evidence of more upgrades to the premises. Pull that cord and see how quickly the fan responds. Go on, pull it. I said, go on.

So, this is the rear cottage. It's another original building dating back to the same time period as the main complex. Oh, and look. Over there by the window you can see the original tiles. So authentic. They used to be all over the floor, of course. Do you? No, I can't see where it looks like they exploded up as some underground demon brushed it's overheated back against the floor. Quite the imagination you have there, sir.

So, this is the rear cottage. It's another original building dating back to the same time period as the main complex. Oh, and look. Over there by the window you can see the original tiles. So authentic. They used to be all over the floor, of course. Do you? No, I can't see where it looks like they exploded up as some underground demon brushed it's overheated back against the floor. Quite the imagination you have there, sir.

But why would anybody need a ladder to escape? Of course, you can leave at any time. If you wanted to leave. You don't want to leave, DO you sir?

But why would anybody need a ladder to escape? You don't want to leave, DO you sir?

Yes, the upstairs tenant does go through quite a lot of appliances. I've found, over the years, it's best not to ask him too many questions. After all, it's not like he's paying rent so you can ask him silly prying questions all the time.  Or rather, it's just not like he's paying rent.

Yes, the upstairs tenant does go through quite a lot of appliances. I've found, over the years, it's best not to ask him too many questions. After all, it's not like he's paying rent so you can ask him silly prying questions all the time. Or rather, it's just not like he's paying rent.

See. There's an unobstructed path back to the road. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at your baseless concerns.

There's an unobstructed path back to the road. I'm laughing at your baseless concerns.

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