I hate that I try to act pissed off, tough, and over it when I’m upset and hurting, but I end up listening to you. I end up not drinking away my feelings, I end up not beating myself up, I end up listening to you even when you don’t say anything to me. I end up behaving. I end up hearing your voice in my head telling me “don’t do that, I love you”. I hate that I love you so much to where simply knowing that you care for me, makes me take care of myself. Because sometimes I want to destroy…